One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
