She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
