How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
