he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
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