I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
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