8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Randomize
