I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
