Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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