and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
His hands were made for my vagina.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
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