My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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