a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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