I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
