New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Randomize
