I hate your face
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Randomize
