just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
