I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Terrible idea I love it
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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