At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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