ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
