I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
My life is pants optional.
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