Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
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