theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Randomize
