I puked a lego.
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
