Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
I need to stop coming to work sober
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
