Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
