Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Randomize
