Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Randomize
