ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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