Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Vodka?
Forever.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
You were trust falling into bushes
Randomize
