I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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