allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
