Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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