I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Randomize
