It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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