I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
