I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
my being single is dangerous.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
