My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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