That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Randomize
