Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
