direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
