Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
