i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Randomize
