remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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