I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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