My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
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