I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
