Is it because I queefed?
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Randomize
