I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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