yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
