Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Quick, to the slutcave!
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
