unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
